Monday, June 30, 2008

run in with Ventura police.....

So, while in Santa Barbara, I could not resist going to the thrift stores in Ventura while the kids were at the beach on a COLD day. I dropped them off and headed over. I had to park my vehicle next to a local park because I drove around a while and all the spaces were full by the thrift stores. When I was returning with my treasures, this homeless guy tells me that I owe him $10.

He tells me it is because someone was going to urinate on my door handle, and he stopped him. Apparently, he charges a $10 fee for protecting my vehicle. I didn't have it, so I told him too bad but I didn't have $10. He then pulled out his THING and started peeing on my vehicle, getting closer and closer to my door handle.

He was getting close to it, so I had to do SOMETHING. I thought I would rather have pee on my foot than my hand when I had to get in the Xterra, so I kicked him in the groin from in front. (kicking him from under would have landed pee in my face.) He hit the ground, and I ran to the park bathroom and washed my foot and found an empty cup that I filled with water and rinsed off my Xterra.

The man was still in a fetal position when I rinsed off the vehicle and slowly backed out to avoid hitting him. I was pulled over by Ventura police:

Police: Ma'am, did you just kick a guy in the groin?
Me: Sure did.
Police: Would you like to explain yourself?

So I told him what happened. He laughed, and asked me to fill out a statement so he could take the guy to where they drop off the mentally ill. I had to tell him I was an officer because he asked to see my ID and I had a gun with me, in my purse. That was at the end of the conversation. He decided he didn't want to see it, and said he had an urge to call my boss and tell him I was a hard ass, but he said he was sure he already knew that. I am NOT a hard ass, I just will not allow someone to do those things to me, or anyone else for that matter, if I can help it. I kinda felt bad, the guy was homeless and obviously was mentally challenged. But I HATE germs, and I DON'T do bodily fluids!!

Friday, June 27, 2008

Home again....

Well, I survived the week with the girls. I am worn out, though!! I am glad we came home when we did, they didn't really start making crazy until the last day. They were pretty good, for the most part. I was just the taxi cab.

While I was gone, I was pondering some embarassing and humiliating things my kids have said, out loud, in public....

Mi*** (pointing at a man in Wal-Mart and yelling really LOUD) "look at that man, mom. He is UGLY. Do you see the UGLY man, mom?

A** (when she was 2 years old, and at the beach, a little african-american girl says "hi" to her) "Mom!! That monkey said hi to me." (just let me die now, I thought... as her dad headed my way with an angry look on his face)

B** and A** used to always offer this proposal when going through a fast food drive through "Do you want to come home with us and be our dad?"

K**, age 2, "look at that lady mom, she has a biggy, biggy butt." It WAS HUGE!!

There are numerous more, but those were the worst that came to mind. :) Gotta love what comes out of their mouths, sometimes.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Gotta love summer

So, the twins are in summer school, K** is working full-time, C** and Al** are working part time, and the little ones are bored every day. I finally got the pool cleaned up and in shape, and the hot tub is fixed. If only I had time to use them. I have been working a lot, and next Sunday I leave to take 5 teenage girls to Santa Barbara for their senior trip. I hope I live through that one......

my privacies.......

So, my 7 year old daughter asked me, "Mom, were you bleeding a lot when dad cut your privacies so that M** could come out?"

Me: Yes, I was.

Her: Well, I will make sure that I have a baby with a small head, then.

Out of the mouths of babes......